He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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