So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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