i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont even know how to be here
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
