Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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