All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
