I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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