He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
