I accidentally had phone sex last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
