Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
