Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My vagina is very pro this idea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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