he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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