Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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