We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My bed smells like the plague
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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