did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
