We're facebook friends in real life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
