Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
