if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
