wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
