chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
