i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
