Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
