the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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