Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
