i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
