I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
