i jhust puked up my retainher.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
