The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
