I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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