If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
