do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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