so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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