Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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