I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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