even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
