do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just high enough for therapy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
