If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
