He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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