Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
