Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Someone shattered a urinal.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
