it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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