i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
