do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
