my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
