her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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