Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
