he wants to bone in the snuggie
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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