Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was born a porn star she said
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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