I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
