dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
