I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
