Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
