I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
