do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
