Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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