Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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