3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
