Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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