I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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