I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
