What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
