i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
