You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
