SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
