I will die if light touches me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
