just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
