im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
