guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
