Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Less talking, more tequila
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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