apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
