My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
