she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize