just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
