look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
