cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
