I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
